TCAM: Mr. Premier, thank you so much for being here.
DM: The pleasure is all mine, Mr. J.
TCAM: Yes, you're certainly correct there, it is all yours. You're looking a little green as of late, Mr. Premier.
DM: Please, call me Mr. Grinch. I have to start getting used to people not calling me "Premier" anymore. Well, that's because having to backtrack so much makes me nauseous, you know. Of course, the people of Ontario are sick of me too, so I guess it must be catching.
TCAM: Well, it's definitely true that disgust with your government has gone viral.
DM: You know what else has gone viral? The Backtrack Boogie! Seriously, it's like the soundtrack to my life! All of our lives!
TCAM: Actually Mr. Grinch, I think the soundtrack to your life would be more of the death-metal genre.
DM: You think so? I was hoping it would be more horrorcore. But, there's no accounting for people's taste, which is probably how I got elected in the first place.
TCAM: How do you do the Backtrack Boogie, Mr. Grinch?
DM: Well, it's kind of like the Moonwalk, only you don't look cool at all while you're doing it.
TCAM: Moving on....why are you wearing a mask, Mr. Grinch?
DM: If you had my record, you'd wear a mask in public too, or maybe a bag over your head. But this way, I don't have to do that fake smile of mine anymore. The mask's smile is a lot more realistic, I feel.
TCAM: Mr. Grinch, what do you have to say about the Peter Fonseca screwup?
DM: Awww, that Ignatieff is always trying to prove he can be a more ineffectual leader than me. It's kind of a competition we Liberal leaders have: Who can go nowhere the fastest? Also, Peter Fonseca is actually talented, and we can't have talented people making me look bad. He had to go.
TCAM: Mr. Grinch, how would you respond to allegations that you are, in fact, a nasty-wasty skunk?
DM: Skunks are black and white, and I only see things in green. You know, like money?
TCAM: It's not that easy being green, is it, Mr. Grinch? Though you have a rather black and white view towards conservatives, in that you think all conservatives are bad people, so maybe the skunk analogy is not too far off.
DM: It's definitely true that my government stinks quite a bit. In fact the three words that best describe it are as follows, and I quote: Stink, stank, stunk. However, there is quite a bit of prejudice against green people in our society. You look in positions of power, even in my own government, and how many green people do you see? Exactly. You're not prejudiced against green people, are you, Mr. J? Because if you are, maybe a trip to the Human Rights Commission is in order.
TCAM: Well you can colour me unimpressed at the levels of anti-green racism in Ontario, Mr. Grinch. Though I think your government might be green with envy at Tim Hudak's recent good luck.
DM: We're certainly creating lots of green jobs! Green jobs for green people, and white-collar jobs for white people, that's Dalton's Ontario for you!
TCAM: But green jobs take away employment, Mr. Grinch. They make people feel blue.
DM: Why paint green jobs with such a broad brush? They constitute a rainbow of opportunity, even though they do cost the equivalent of a pot of gold.
TCAM: I think Stephen Taylor may delete this blog if we make any more colour puns, so let's bring this interview to a close. Any final words?
DM: Why, am I about to be hanged by the voters? Seriously though, I've screwed Ontario voters so many times that they must feel like chimneys that have had Christmas trees stuffed up them.
TCAM: Well, that image will be stuck in my mind forever, so thanks again Mr. Grinch. Merry Christmas!