Wednesday, December 17, 2014

O Come All Ye Faithful

Queen Wynne-ceslas looked out after feasting on Stephen Harper for the past couple of weeks and realized that it's been a while since she utterly humiliated the Dippers, so she reached out to the NDP MP for Sudbury and, in a Christmas miracle, turned him into an instant Liberal.

Cue righteously indignated oranginas screaming about the "allure of power" while everyone else rolled their eyes. We were treated to the spectacle of the famously useless lump of an MPP Gilles Bisson, the very textbook definition of an NDP opposition lifer, a man so utterly addicted to taxpayer funded perks and so committed to keeping his constituents on the merry-go-round that the Liberals and the PC's once teamed up around election time to try and get him fired, going off about "cynical politics". The man's tongue should have voted for an immediate strike action against his brain after that one and hit the picket line, but principles are hard to come by these days, even for usually inanimate body parts. Irene Mathyssen, whose party once forced her to stifle her objection to women supposedly being objectified in the House, still found it possible to wag her finger about Wynne's government not being progressive.

As if every one of these gravy boats, these walking, talking monuments to low expectations who will forever remember that glorious day in 2011 when they managed to not come in third, wouldn't dash across the floor as soon as a real politician gave them a call. Before I believed that this Christmas pantomime had anything to do with principles, I'd guess they were mad that Wynne hasn't ever reached out to them to run as Liberals.

On the very same day, so that we conservatives didn't get too high and mighty, came the news that after kicking and screaming for years about deficits and other stuff nobody cares about, the Wildrose Alliance has finally decided to pack it in and rejoin the PC Party of Alberta so they can go right back to blowing money as fast as humanly possible. I can't really blame Danielle Smith, though, because if I went out on a limb against a visibly corrupt government in 2012 and then I got left standing by a bunch of so-called true blue Albertans who see fit to lecture the rest of the country on fiscal management and then bolt back to safety at the first sign of trouble, I'd also be willing to toss up two middle fingers and leave them without a voice in government.

Meanwhile back at the Hall of Justice, the Conservative Party of Canada is no doubt baffled by Justin Trudeau's unwillingness to die despite being declared dead by them for the 164th time. I had more than one smug staffer get in my face over the past couple of months for not being sufficiently over Justin. And I have to admit- I really thought this Pacetti/Andrews harassment mess was the final straw, and that I was wrong. I really thought that the Liberal faithful would have seen Justin putting two of his own down like dogs without even giving a moment's consideration to the benefit of the doubt (which is after all their legal right no matter what kind of hateful, disgusting human beings they might be IRL) and realized that Justin dices with their fates the way the gods do with mortals. He actually would suspend the right of due process, without waiting for the facts, because historically people haven't believed rape victims.

(The really sick thing is,  Liberals have always been fine with due process going out the window so long as that only applied to conservatives, but now that they might suffer the same consequences, well...that took some getting over.)

And, to bring it back full circle, we have Kathleen Wynne, leading the entire province around by its collective nose. We just had a damning Auditor General's report that she handwaved by picking another fight with Stephen Harper. We have a PCPO leadership race that she just dropped a bomb on by forcing the entire party to worry about a byelection. (And we'll get to that leadership race very, very soon.) Hell, this rope-a-Dipper-dope ploy she's pulled isn't even new- she did the same thing in the London West by-election last year, but now since Andrea Horwath blew her shot at the big time and alienated Big Labour, she might actually get away with it. Unless the NDP nominate a candidate that is 100% union tested and approved and promise never ever to mention the word "taxpayer" again, they might be in a leadership race of their own come March!

How does she do it? She knows that deep down, everyone wants to be a Liberal and vote Liberal, and that everyone who isn't a Liberal has a really tough time of it trying to justify themselves to voters who get really mad at the way things are but will do anything to avoid an actual change. Just like the song says:

Therefore, Christian men, be sure
Wealth or rank possessing
Ye who now will bless the poor
Shall yourselves find blessing.

Merry Christmas!

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