Saturday, November 27, 2010

10,000 to 1

Things are looking quite good for Hudak and co. right now, but that doesn't mean we should get too comfy and cozy. There'll always be Liberals who'll throw stuff like this at us.

Then again, there are always Toronto Star front pages that reveal widespread access to objectionable websites on the part of Ontario government civil servants. The same Ontario government headed up by him.

From the article:

Confidential reports on how the province’s more than 60,000 public employees use their computers have been viewed by the Star despite strenuous efforts by Queen’s Park to prevent their release.
They show:

•Tens of thousands of hits to sites with content described as “illegal or questionable,” “drugs,” “racism and hate,” “militancy and extremist.”

Why would the government of Ontario prevent the release of such information?

Now, let me see if I can put this the right way.....hmmm...."What we don't get is why Dalton McGuinty hasn't denounced filth like this." Yeah, that's about right.

Thanks for the concern, guys, but I think your government has a bigger "militancy and extremist" problem than the Landowners.

Friday, November 26, 2010

Short and To The Point #3

You know, for a guy who has a problem with Tim Hudak's supposed lack of planning, Willowdale MPP David Zimmer sure didn't prepare too much before walking into this press conference.

While you're filing that FOI request, Dave, how about you check on the status of this one? 

How about this one, in the interests of non-partisanship? 

I think I'll submit my own Freedom of Information request to find out why the Liberals have failed to get it right on hydro rates after seven years in government. I think we're all entitled to an explanation there.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Way Too Different To Ever Be Pals

He's a tired, out of touch Premier who gets whiny when people say mean things about his energy plan. (Who's only 11 months away from retirement!)

He's a disciplined, professional Premier-in-waiting who just dominated at the Leader's Dinner in Markham. (Too bad I didn't go with the movie preview intro for this post, otherwise I'd be able to say, "This summer...Tim, am I the first one to point out how much Tim resembles Michael Keaton?)

These two couldn't possibly be more different!

-Dalton listens to his unelected experts that have gotten the province nowhere. Tim listens to actual Ontarians at 

-Dalton has introduced more taxes than I can count, even if I took off my shoes and used my toes. In his speech tonight, Tim made it clear that it's a question of which kind of tax relief Ontarians will get first.

-Dalton likes to let shadowy government funded bodies do his dirty work. Tim made it clear tonight that he will force them to justify their existence. And since there is no justification for what these assassins do, there's going to be a lot of out-of-work Liberals.

-Dalton lets overpaid consultants and government appointees decide how health care is to be run in our province. Tim has committed to supporting frontline healthcare and will put power back into the hands of local healthcare professionals.

You may have noticed that Tim talked about priorities in this speech. He is not only doing this because Conservatives have a tendency to win elections where we talk about a small number of priorities, but also because Dalton, like most left-wing leaders nowadays, can't decide what to do first.

Tim will deliver an Ontario that is focused. Dalton has delivered an Ontario that's drifted way, way off track.

And that's a difference that puts a smile on my face.

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Paging Dr. Douchebag!

Ontario Immigration Minister Dr. Eric Hoskins, he of the above silly Macleans' photo, wants you all to know he thinks Syria, supporter of Hamas and terrorism in general, is okey-dokey.

This is a humour blog, and a provincial humour blog at that, so I defer to Christopher Hitchens as he explains why praising Syria is a bad idea.

Well, actually Hoskins wasn't "specifically aware of the specific aspects of your question with regard to that country in question," which is a little weird because he's the frigging MINISTER OF IMMIGRATION and it's kind of expected that he should know these things.

Dr. Dipsh*t here has also earned notoriety as the person who, during the by-election to replace disgraced ex-Attorney General Michael Bryant in the reliably Liberal riding of St. Paul's (how else do you think these people get elected?), had the nerve to tell the Canadian Jewish News that he thought "[fair funding for faith-based schools] is an issue I want to discuss very seriously going forward." Page 19 of this edition. His boss, who kicked York-Centre MPP Monte Kwinter out of cabinet for a similar rumination, probably feels otherwise.

Would someone please explain to these Liberals that we have a Foreign Affairs Ministry in Ottawa already and that McGuinty and his cadre of chuckleheads should stop trying to choose our country's allies, mostly but not only because they are extraordinarily bad at doing it?

Friday, November 19, 2010

Turn Out The Lights Before You Leave, Dalton

This is today's Toronto Star editorial cartoon. It is drawn by the Star's editorial cartoonist, Patrick Corrigan. In case you can't read it (which was probably the intention), the "fine print" in the bottom right reads, "Your rates have already skyrocketed....need to borrow a billion to do it...."

How much of a Liberal is Patrick Corrigan? Well, I'm not sure, but he's the guy who drew this the day after Stephane Dion was elected leader of the federal Liberals.

And not even HE thinks Dwight Duncan is the brightest bulb when it comes to hydro rates.

Let that sink in for a minute.

I think Dalton should just give up now. Don't you?

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Heard Around Liblogs

Introducing Heard Around Liblogs, the portion of our show where we take a look around Liblogs and find something mockworthy, or, in this case, a Liberal dumping all over Dalton.

"The oft whispered but not vocalized truth amongst Ontario Liberals, federal and provincial, is that the Premier, Dalton McGuinty, has unfortunately become somewhat of a toxic asset. Beyond friends employed directly by Queen’s Park, reliant on the good graces of the Premier’s cadres, the name McGuinty has become a curse amongst Liberals and the bulk of our supporters amongst the public at large. Be it the poorly waged HST campaign or a litany of other issues maligned against our provincial leader, fairly or unfairly, the name is not exactly a draw politically at the moment....

.....Moreover with a provincial election in the offing next fall in Ontario and anti-McGuinty ads filling the airwaves even the core Liberal base has soured on using the brand, much in the same way St├ęphane Dion was hurt by a negative image war in 2008 (if not moreso)."

You are in a world of trouble, Dalton.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

So, WTF Has Dalton Done So Far?

You Blogging Tory fans are in for a real treat today, because for my next trick, I am going to take apart every single one of the talking points on the Liberals' new website, WTF Has Dalton Done So Far. No, seriously, that's actually the name of the site. I guess this site exists because of a perception that exists among, um, everyone, that Dalton isn't doing enough.

I don't expect too many of you to visit it, so I'll summarize: The aim of the site (besides getting people to ask the very valid question of exactly what Dalton's claim to fame is) is to highlight so-called accomplishments of Dalton's government. If you're not impressed by a particular talking point, you can click a link to get another one. The link changes too, to read something snotty like "Meh, what else?" or "Boring, what else?", thus accurately summing up the electorate's reaction to Dalton's acheivements.

Anyway, enough preamble. Let's do this thing!

Positioning Ontario as North America's 'clean water technology capital' to tap into a $400 billion global market. Dalton's Water Opportunities Act, which is supposed to help us tap into this market, has a small problem: It completely fails to take into account the costs of treating and distributing water. Oh well.

More high school students are graduating thanks to targeted programs designed to keep kids in school. You know what I want to know? How many of these kids who are graduating are prepared for university? How many of those kids go on to drop out of university?

Made it easier for internationally-trained professionals to get licensed in Ontario. This only affects engineers, and the bill that made this happen annoyed environmental groups worried about public consultations into industrial activities. Why is Dalton pitting Ontarians against one another?

Lowered class sizes so that 90% of primary school students are in classes of 20 kids or less. "A new study finds that Florida's 2002 constitutional amendment mandating a reduction in the size of classes in school districs throughout the state had no discernible impact upon student acheivement."

Helping more than 120,000 newcomers each year improve their English skills and get to work. These language training programs are patterned after federal government programs. So is Dalton saying Stephen Harper had a good idea? :O

Shorter waits for cataract, cancer and cardiac surgery, joint replacements and MRI and CT scans. At a much higher cost.

Turned Ontario into a have-not province. Whoops! How did that get in there? ;)

Protected 1.8 million acres of greenspace (farmland, forests, and wetlands) around the Golden Horseshoe, including the Niagara Escarpment and the Oak Ridges Moraine. And to prove how much they care about the Golden Horseshoe and the Niagra Escarpment, they provide a link to a Toronto Star article with a picture of ex-Mayor David Miller and a prominent quote from former Communist Party President and current Toronto city councillor, Paula Fletcher. 

2,000 more police officers on our streets to keep our communities safe. Boy, I sure hope Caledonia is one of those communities.

Reformed our outdated tax system to bring 600,000 new jobs to our communities over the next decade. Introduced HST to help business, but provided tax benefits to help people - most households will see a reduction in taxes or break even. Saving businesses money so they can lower prices for consumers and compete with low-cost foreign imports. For the people reading this blog who don't like the HST, the problem with these statements is obvious. The people reading this blog who DO like the HST usually give Stephen Harper and Jim Flaherty credit for it. Like Liberal Robert Silver, for example.

Won the right to host the 2015 Pan-Am Games, which will attract 250,000 visitors and create 50,000 jobs. Just remember, Dalton: If there are cost overruns or problems with security, you can't blame Harper this time around like you did for the G20. But you won't be Premier in 2015, so never mind.

Protecting children from dangerous second-hand smoke - a cause of respiratory illness, middle ear disease, respiratory tract infections, and sudden infant death syndrome - in cars. After smoking is made illegal, though, don't expect the government to do anything about the underground trade in cigarettes. It's not like they put 2,000 police officers on our streets to keep our communities safe, or anything.

Creating thousands of good jobs, building high-tech manufacturing plants, and attracting billions of dollars in green energy investment to Ontario through the Green Energy Act. Would that be the Green Energy Act that the United States, Japan, and the European Union are currently complaining to the World Trade Organization about?

Phasing out dirty coal-fired plants to protect people's health and our natural environment - and replacing it with clean, renewable sources of electricity. They did promise to eliminate coal fired plants entirely by 2009, but, well, ya know. And then they tried to build a "clean" gas plant in Oakville instead, but, well, ya know. 

Launched full-day kindergarten to give kids the best start in school - and help working parents. Dealt with here.

Cut the price of generic drugs in half by eliminating waste in the pharmacy system, making medicine more affordable. I know Dalton doesn't like pharmacists, but I didn't expect him to refer to them as "waste" that needed to be eliminated.

Electronic medical records for 5 million patients, meaning less chance of error and faster test results. Yeah, pay no attention to that whole "E-health" thing. Totally overblown. 

Built a reliable energy supply by adding 8,000 MW of new electricity to the grid (enough to power millions of homes). Too bad that tidbit got buried in the middle of an article about how Dalton screwed over Northerners. And how did he screw over Northerners? Well, he "Offset higher energy costs for 300,000 Northerners with a credit of up to $200 each," which is almost enough money to heat your home for a few hours in Dalton's Ontario.

Reduced emergency room wait times by almost 25% so the sick and injured get the attention they need. I guess you do have to work fast when your emergency room is located in a hospital garage. Still, that's better than closing the ER entirely. 

Shorter wait times for cancer radiation treatment, and more patients are now receiving treatment. The actual report says,"The Ontario averages [...] are still approximately 10 percentage points from meeting the targets." Oops.

Froze MPP salaries and public sector wages to help cut government expenses and reduce the deficit. Hey, you know what would really help reduce government expenses? LESS SPENDING. Of course, Dwight Duncan thinks he can balance cuts with spending and everything will be okey-dokey.

Increased the number of wind turbines in Ontario from 10 in 2003 to almost 700 now, reducing our reliance on dirty coal. And placed themselves in the pockets of special interests while doing it!

Helped 1 million more Ontarians find a family doctor - meaning that every half hour for the past seven years, eight new patients got a doctor. Helping Ontario, as a province, find more doctors isn't going as well.

And finally....

Bringing the International Indian Film Academy Awards (the Bollywood equivalent of the Academy Awards) to Ontario in 2011, which will attract 40,000 visitors.

.....yeah, I'm OK with that one. Can't find anything wrong with an award show. Unless they find a way to give Avatar the Best Picture award. God, I hated that movie.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Don't Mess With Family

Business is good for a conservative clown like myself, tasked by the Powers That Be with the solemn duty of making constant fun of our McPremier. Lately, Dalton has been goofing and gaffeing like it's going out of style.

Tipping your hand on your election strategy a year early is just plain dumb. And what an election strategy it is! Attacking people who are NOT running for Premier, such as Tim Hudak's wife. If the PC Party of Ontario got caught up with details like the fact that Terri McGuinty basically said she was embarassed to be seen with her husband on the campaign trail, we wouldn't be poised to form the next government.

Bashing a guy's wife is an excellent way to make a case for yourselves as a progressive party. Speaking of so-called progressive parties, just look at the Liberals' plan for the NDP. The NDP will throw money at problems? Well, whatever the NDP's faults are, they weren't the people who led us into last place in Confederation economically. I think Dalton's tendency to throw money at problems may have had something to do with that.

The Liberals say they will make this election a referendum on Tim Hudak, and if that's the case they might as well not even show up next year. We have a young, fresh, competent leader who will take full advantage of Ontarians' desire for change. They have Dalton. Not to mention the fact that the Liberals got creamed in the last election they tried to make into a referendum on the conservative guy in the race.

Then we have the revelation that the Liberals are worried about being branded as “incompetent, arrogant, out of touch, wasteful, tired, scandal-ridden, liars . . . in the pocket of consultants.” Notice that they do not say they have already been branded as all of that and a lot worse, but that they see it as merely a distasteful possibility. Also notice that they are worried about the other two campaigns attacking them as such, not the voters doing so.

But perhaps the stupidest thing about this leak was that Greg Sorbara, the guy who will be chairing the Liberals' campaign, ruled out the idea of negative ads. Remember this quote, because I'll be referring to it often:

“I’m not going to tolerate a campaign that is driven by negative advertising. It will not happen.”

Got that? Now, we know Sorbara couldn't keep that promise if he wanted to, but EVERY TIME the Liberals bash Tim Hudak from now till Election Day, they are not just using desperation tactics, they are liars.

I'm not even going to touch the idea of the Liberals' plan to brand Hudak as a puppet. Some jokes are just too obvious.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

International Incident

So it seems that Dalton's strings are being pulled by other powers as well as those within our own province.

I can see why Liberals love China. Relatives of government officials in China are able to hit ordinary people with their cars without penalty, something which is done with alarming regularity by members of Dalton's government. Dalton likes to use people in photo ops, and so does the Chinese government. The Chinese government won't stop until it controls everything and anything, and Dalton is, well, Dalton. The main difference I can find between Ontario and China is that Dalton is more popular there than he is here.

For an Education Premier, Dalton doesn't seem to be too concerned about the difficulties grad students are having here in Ontario. It's a fact of life that university students don't pose for cute photo ops very often with the Premier so perhaps that's understandable. And it's also understandable that a Premier that campaigned so memorably for inequality in government funding for education during the 2007 election would extend these scholarships to Chinese students only and not to students from other trendy countries. (Maybe Dalton had some bad Indian food the other day?)

It's not just whiteys like myself that are annoyed about this. Native Ontarians have a right to be angry at the lack of support Dalton and his alleged Minister of Aboriginal Affairs Chris Bentley shows to native students, too. So until Dalton takes responsibility for that, he and his goons might want to think twice before hurling accusations of racism at Conservatives.

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Short and To The Point #2

Q. Why does the Toronto Star bury a story that, if true, reveals an enormous conflict of interest between Oakville Mayor and Liberal supporter Rob Burton, Oakville Hydro, and Dalton's gang of slippery stooges?

A. Because it's the Toronto Star.

Anyone care to elaborate on a possible connection between this and the recent stinky coal plant fiasco in Oakville?

Monday, November 1, 2010

He Thinks He's People

I love it when Liberals prove that what we are saying about them, and their lifeless, listless leader is hitting the mark.

A few days ago, the Toronto Star wrote a very strange article that nobody paid attention to because everyone was still pinching themselves after the Ford victory. It was, by all appearances, an attempt to show that Dalton is still just a regular guy by showing him raking leaves in front of a house that he doesn't actually live in anymore.

Liberal propaganda from the Star is nothing new. And, every politician likes to show that he or she is just a regular person, just like you, no matter how ridiculous that seems.

But it wasn't until today that I remembered another attempt by the Liberals to humanize their reptilian leader. It was called, and it doesn't exist anymore because it failed spectacularly. There is evidence that it did exist at one point, however. was, by all accounts, a pretty neat website. I vaguely remember pictures of Dalton smiling awkwardly in that forced manner of his with his wife and family. We'll never know how much cost. (In that respect it did resemble Dalton quite well.)  You don't remember because the Liberals spent the 2007 election talking about faith based schools instead of Trying to demonize John Tory proved a much more effective strategy than trying to humanize Dalton.

When more people buy the idea of John Tory as a villain than the idea of Dalton as someone you'd eat a burger with, you have a problem. It's all very reminiscent of attempts at the federal level to humanize another faltering Liberal leader.

A clown sees life simply, without complications, so I ask: Why the constant attempts to make people believe that Dalton is what he really isn't? Ontarians can see that Dalton is a stiff, wooden puppet of the elites that currently control this province.