Monday, December 29, 2014

Oh What A Lovely War

It's kind of nice to see some indications that the rest of the right is catching up to your humble correspondent when it comes to the culture wars, but I hope you'll forgive me if I don't get up and dance a jig.

You see, in order for there to be a culture war, there needs to be an actual war, not a ridiculously lopsided curb stomping wherein one side blitzes the other's blind spots repeatedly. We're getting our asses kicked on battlegrounds we don't even understand, places that don't even look like battlegrounds until the Twitter and Tumblr mobs sweep over them. Toy stores, video games, movie theatres.

Furthermore, for there to be a war, there needs to be objectives, strategy, and something resembling an aim. Instead, we have various rampaging mobs who seem to have no goal beyond acquiring power for its own sake. Strongmen spread out across the world stage. Disease flares, claims lives, and disappears. Your nation's capital, or the quiet café where you stop for a coffee, might be the next site of an armed attack by a lunatic given new purpose by the terrifying ISIS. Powerful celebrity rapists stalk their prey, elected members and political parties sell out wholesale for the merest promise of advancement, and various cartels use the seat of government as a launching point for their products. And what do the ordinary folks have going for them? Petitions? Online comment threads? Stupid blogs like the one you're currently reading?

I look into the face of John Maguire, and I see a man who traded a life of anonymity for a chance to speak on behalf of something horrible and organic and frightening.  Exactly what do we have that could compete with that?

OK, OK. Maybe I'm aiming too high. Maybe doing something about ISIS and mobs of social justice warriors is just not in the cards right now. Let's set the bar lower. Way lower. Let's see if the good people of Alberta will take this Wildrose defection lying down, like Jim Prentice and Danielle Smith think they will.

Surely that's not too much to ask. We're not talking about Ontario here, where the Premier's Sudbury byelection stunt barely rates a whisper. In Ontario (so I'm told) they just accept outrageous behavior from governments as a matter of course. Not like those rootin', tootin', pop-gun shootin' Albertans, who virgin-birthed the Reform Party and made Canada what it is today in spite of those Eastern bums, goddamnit. The PC Party of Alberta is going to get tossed out on its ear in the next election.....ummmm.....well, at the very least, the defectors will lose their seats....uhhhhh....well, at least some of them will lose their seats? Maybe? Please??

Nuh-uh. We know what's going to happen. Danielle Smith knows what's going to happen. A broad-based distraction campaign will be launched, reminding people that electing anyone other than the PC Party of Alberta will spell doom for all, and it's going to work, because it always works. Nobody knows that better than Danielle Smith, who could have been Premier if these same chickenhawks who are presently so mightily outraged about her departure hadn't bolted back into the PC Party of Alberta fold when she waffled on some fool's homophobic blogpost. So, given the opportunity by Jim Prentice to exact bloody revenge on the voters, she took it. It was low, and mean of her, but you would have all done the same, because nothing is more liberating than the chance to vent your cruelty on those who have wronged you.

Don't worry though, because I've got good news for those angry Albertans. The PC Party of Alberta is indeed going to be smashed to atoms, but it won't be in an election, and it won't be on the say so of any right-thinking Alberta folks. When the world powers are done battling for supremacy, the biggest and the meanest of them is going to set their sights on Canada after they've eaten everything else.

Right now, my money is on ISIS, because they, above all, do not engage in Prentice-esque and Wynn-ian maneuvers where they cover their aggression and viciousness with platitudes and talking points. You might have noticed how they encourage their followers to rape, to kill, to oppress and subjugate. If you rewatch Mr. Maguire's fun little video message it becomes quite clear that this is a man who has given rise to his worst impulses, and what the writer of this piece misses entirely is that whatever benefits there are to living in Canada, you can't get the complete package- rape, murder, subjugation and oppression- anywhere else but in the Islamic State, which might be more properly called the Land of Do As You Please.

By the way, the ISIS top brass also knows that what they're up to doesn't have anything to do with Islam anyway, so anyone who makes that point is, unfortunately, missing the real point as well.

The social justice warriors cannot bring themselves to this level of naked, open, blatant power-lust. They do not condemn the actions of ISIS because they know ISIS is crazier than they are. Instead they go after the low hanging fruit, like scientists who make questionable fashion choices. Hell, even hackers from North Korea are playing small ball compared to ISIS, who would just have slaughtered James Franco and Seth Rogen, and the entire staff of Sony, and then burnt down every movie theater they could find for the lulz.

And if we were even in the least way serious about fighting a "culture war," then we would also be out to prove that we were crazier than ISIS. There would be no question about the correctness of capitalism or Western culture. We would meet them with the purest form of imperialism and grind them and all their apologists to dust.

That will not happen, because we are a polite society who apologizes for wrongs before repeating them.

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