Saturday, February 5, 2011

Breaking News!

Ladies and Gentlemen of Blogging Tories and conservative partisans across the globe....I take to my keyboard this Saturday afternoon with grave news. News that will SHOCK and terrify you.

Yesterday, at the Liberals annual policy convention, Dalton McGuinty implied that Tim Hudak had a....*gulp*...a "hidden agenda".

Up until now, we had thought that Tim Hudak was prepared for anything that Dalton could throw at him. Four years spent cogitating on the mistakes of the past, revitalizing the party, and preparing in the most rigorous fashion imaginable for the campaign trail of 2011 was meant to strengthen our electoral machine into an unstoppable dreadnought that could withstand any Liberal assault.

We thought wrong.

O, o, we are slain. Danny boy, the pipes are calling. It's the eeeend of the wooorld as we knooow it....and I feel fiiiiiine....

What's so diabolical about this "hidden agenda" is that it is unlike anything we as Conservatives have faced before. "Yes We Can" is a mere schoolyard singsong compared to this. "I Feel Your Pain?" Mere penny-arcade theatrics. Never in the history of political warfare has anything so devastating been approached, much less tried.

Dalton, if you're reading this blog (and I know you do, each and every day) I beseech you not to deploy this terrible weapon. Surely an electoral victory is not worth putting Ontarians through unthinkable suffering and torment at the prospect of Tim Hudak's nefarious hidden agenda. On your humanity, sir....well, OK....on your reptilian kitteneater-hood, sir, I implore you to find another way, somehow. For the children.


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