Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Liberals Huff and Puff.....

....and blow their own house down with their too-clever-by-half fake platform.

Can anyone else see the problem with the Liberals writing an imaginary platform for their opponents that diverges almost completely from the fear narrative they were going to attack those same opponents with?

Liberal: "OMG! Tim Hudak is going to abolish human rights protection! Boogedy boogedy boogedy!"
Me: "Um, so why didn't you include that in your fake Tory platform? It is supposed to be our platform, right? So, where is it?"

We know Liberals don't believe the nonsense they tell the voters, but it's seldom that they provide us with proof of that fact.

Since we're writing fake platforms, let me write what I consider to be the perfect Liberal platform for 2011.

-All Ontarians will be forced to power their homes by running in gigantic hamster wheels
-A tax on the number 3 (because countries around the world are taxing numbers)
-Renaming the greenbelt "The Frank Stronach Forest"
-Banning handguns and replacing them with squeaky toy hammers
-All children will undergo standardized testing to demonstrate competency in sexual techniques before being allowed to graduate Grade 3
-Issue miniature hammers and chisels so that Ontarians can inscribe their medical records on their health cards
-Privatize the Beer Store instead of the LCBO and when people point out that the Beer Store is already private, accuse them of "taking Ontario backward"
-Ensure that only international students are allowed access to Ontario universities, while students born in Ontario must complete "re-education" courses in China
-Improve access to timely justice by granting all Liberal MPP's and their friends immunity from prosecution. (Doing this will reduce the trial load in Ontario by 60%.)
-Replace the Ombudsman with a Magic 8-Ball
-Appoint George Smitherman to oversee Ontario's drug programs, and ensure that he personally approves each drug
-Designate every dirt road in the province as a highway, and then announce the creation of thousands of new highways
-Announce the creation of an Ontario Foreign Ministry representing Ontario to the world and contradicting everything the federal government does on the world stage
-Move us up to second-to-dead last in Confederation economically

How close do you think I am to the actual Liberal platform?


  1. I think you are spot on target and I don't even live in Ontario! Good job, I laughed, then I realized some of those Liberal policies were no laughing matter.

  2. In Ontario politics, truth is only slightly stranger than fiction!